LIVING, CLAIM, NEGOTIATE ... AND ETHICS

One of the challenges of living together as a couple or group with respect to relations with our neighbors. There are many aspects that affect this, and many are damage and losses in relationships that hinder the achievement of harmony in the goals set by a person or a social group. A common feature regarding the conduct of a good relationship relates to the ability that everyone has to deal with complaints, or do the same in a consistent and timely in the face of complex and problematic situations. Hence the question arises: how to not fall into the trap of addiction to complain without having a plan to solve the problems which complains? It is an intriguing question, since it is ever-increasing development of critical sense for people - which often is not as accurate as it should be. Relationships involving couples, families, industries, customers and employees can be full of complaints, if they win power through the negative manifestations, leading to lack of motivation and reduced enjoyment of life together. This paper aims to reflect on what is the appropriate way to deal with complaints, and provide referrals to correct these situations.

Complaints can be filed by different circumstances, such as lack of alignment of personal goals with your partner or group that lives or personal beliefs with the culture of the place where you live, study or work. People who complain too much also aim to achieve a "control", but of course in a negative way, and rely on the frustration that load (mean frustration and excitement that occurs in situations where something is blocked from reaching a personal goal) - and in opportunities arising from the lack of harmony within the organization or living environment. In short: It is an attempt to seize power or reduce frustration by a generation of conflict.

Complaints are actually created opportunities for "Leaders of Resistance" to assert its position within the group, than the defense of collective interest that may be at stake. When dealing with a person with this feature and their complaints, which should be done is to identify a priori whether this is really at stake a claim of fact. It is then necessary to have clear concepts and some understanding so that they can live with people who engage in these types of demonstrations. First: claim is nothing more than a demonstration of dissatisfaction of an individual or a group in order to enforce a right which was violated. It is based on enforcing the "right", a requirement clearly recognized as valid and correct. When the axis of the complaint moves to the right side of the "interests", one loses the right to complain because it passes there will be other points of view to consider other stakeholders who can benefit or be harmed too much by imposing an interest that may or may not benefit a unilateral rather than collective. The same goes for reason in the claims, where the axis of the theme is the claim that something "belongs" to someone, and that is required to back, and not antagonistic interests are at stake.

As in most of the complaints may be at stake, the output is no longer complaining or claiming, but negotiate. This is the process of achieving goals through an agreement in situations where there are interests, with one key feature: keeping gains on both sides involved and reach a common denominator. Faced with embarrassment, I repeat, the first step is to identify whether such claims are really complaints or not, the identification of any right violated, or if this is relevant only for satisfaction of personal interests at stake, and from then invite stakeholders to a round of negotiations.

The act requires self-knowledge to negotiate the potential and weaknesses, to have for sure to what extent one can give, and what you can not give up. It must have critical sense about the values ​​and rights that may be being violated or not. It is a game that seeks a win on both sides, even if not desired by the score, but right and fair ...

Luciano Henrique Pinto

Love is no longer alone

The question of love as an essential element of human relations of the most remote ancient times and from different cultures, and the Christian narrative perhaps the most eloquent and influential in this regard. The idea of ​​love is present in various types of ties that create lifelong. We have the unconditional love of parent and child, maternal love, blind love, among many others. Within this theme, the American psychologist Jerome Kogen points to another element which he said is as important as love: the value that gives people nearby. 

Before any discussion, you need to think about what is "value", and the significance of it for a healthy relationship and fair, and inquire about how to bring this concept closer to our lives and make our relationships healthier. 

We live in a culture speaks volumes about the importance of love - and we take only one example, the Christian doctrine is based on almost maximum "love your neighbor as yourself." But what kind of love is this, what is the existing limitations facing the same lack of understanding, and what meaning the act of "valuing" the next to have more stable relationships? The studies of psychologists Kogen pointed to the fact that children are more mentally healthy if they realize that at least one of their parents values, and emphasizing that says that this act is so important to love - it defined by the research participant as being only a manifestation of love and attention. 

Such an act of value - it is now set - refers to the attitude to make the other feel important in light of their realities, options, constraints and choices. It is encouraging to go beyond the dreams, but helping others to make them viable, and do something for others that he did not get his lines and listen carefully. 

All of these actions contradict the love limited only to expressions of affection, the studies by Kogen. Many can not even see the distinction between love and who knew these two definitions, but most believe that love is just like the previously mentioned study.Hence the importance of - excuse the pun unavoidable - to highlight the value given to the people. 

In the book "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini have a clear example of what was said Baba, the father loved his son, but not valued on their decision to be a writer, which resulted in an anxious personality and certain "guilt" by her son. Of course in this case had an unconditional love between parent and child that reflected in a respectful, but the child suffered serious consequences for lack of parental value. 

Can then be summarized as important as love is the value that gives people, and although for some such nouns are inseparable, the practice can demonstrate a different reality, and for those who have not realized it's time to move beyond expressions of affection and appreciation from for people who like ... 

 

Luciano Henrique Pinto